PREFACE

Because we want you to have a new happily-ever-after story, we compiled a toolkit with helpful hints in order to travel on a healthier journey in Single Parent Land. If you can’t even imagine your life getting better after the disaster of the breakup perhaps, by seeing some success stories you will see how you can climb out of the rubble of that relationship and begin again.

Our motive for writing this book is to help parents who are still struggling with the feelings associated with the loss, anger and chaos of the single parent life.

After two decades of working with divorced families we saw a very special need among divorced parents: they were lacking time to sit in solitude and reflect on problems and build a road map for their future. This is your time to be there for yourself and to take a few minutes or a few hours and to take care of your needs.

The divorce process is a long term, painful process. It’s not like you decide, go fill out some papers and it’s over in six months. Not for most people. It’s more like agonizing “Should I or shouldn’t I?”for about five years, having a few split ups and getting-back-together, turning from warm to ice cold in your feelings and finally, when all else fails, dragging yourself to the divorce attorney. Or it may go like this: “I want a divorce, and you can’t talk me out of it this time; I’m done.”

What is profoundly different from being together and feeling somewhat secure in a family is that once the decision has been made there is usually no going back. All the counseling in the world will probably never convince your ex that you should get back together. The finality of separation is that you and your ex are no longer a couple and you lose your place. Believe it or not, many “leavers” do not realize the impact of that decision. They focus on the fact that it is not possible to deal with the relationship any more, for various reasons, and yet they don’t have a crystal ball that lets them see the outcome of their actions.

Few people look back on their decision to divorce as one that was mutual. Usually someone was blindsided, or someone was desperate to make the other person change and couldn’t do it, no matter how hard they tried.

      We want to know how you like our book, so after reading it, please email us at books@parentingsolo2.com

Our goal is to see that your child does not cringe when he sees his parents together, isn’t exposed to drama at exchange times and doesn’t have to watch fear or anger in his parents’ eyes when they talk on the phone to each other. Each chapter contains a tool, which may be an attitude or an idea, sometimes an illustration through a story, a toolkit activity and affirmations.

In our therapy sessions and parenting classes with fathers and mothers at our F.A.C.E.S. centers for children of divorce and their parents, we picture each person arriving with a huge band aid on their hearts. The broken hearts arrive with bad attitudes, sadness or fatigue, depending on the day. At F.A.C.E.S., we don’t discriminate for bad attitude; we know how difficult this journey in Single Parent Land is. We use professionalism, respect for diversity and compassion as our guidelines.

This book is written as a result of years of collecting good ideas from parents, children and therapists who worked with children. We hope we give you some good ideas.